What you say is way too complicated.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HL548cHH3OY
^^ I love that song.

Anyways, I feel like writing again. I guess because I'm lonely. Caity is grounded and doesn't have her phone, Heidi doesn't really like talking about serious things a lot, Megan doesn't text as much and I feel weird calling her, and I don't really confide anything in Gloria. Anthony will talk to me but he's been getting on my nerves a lot lately. Josh will talk, but Maranda might be back in the picture and I don't want to ruin his chances with her. I haven't tried texting Bree or Laur. They're both busy and I don't want to bother them.

Dre hasn't really had a lot of time for me lately either. He's always doing something -- skating, hanging with his friends, work, whatever; he never slows down. In the midst of all of that I kind of get pushed to the backburner. He always has plans so we don't hang out as much, and since he's always doing stuff he doesn't really have time to talk when I call him. He's either super busy or so tired he falls asleep while I'm trying to talk. He's not a big texter either so that doesn't really work as a solid means of communication.

I mean, he's a busy kid. There's nothing he can do about that, is there? I don't want him nor would ever ask him to break plans with someone else for me. That would make me too needy and a kind of shitty person at that. I want him to live his life to the fullest and enjoy every second of it, even if it doesn't involve me. I just want him to be happy. Sometimes I feel like I interfere with his happiness, like I bring him down. Like he would have more fun without me. I guess I shouldn't feel that way, but I do. I suppose that's why I was reluctant to say anything when he asked if he'd been acting like a jerk lately or whether I felt cast aside. No, he's not being a jerk. He's living his life. I do not think under any circumstances that he's being a jerk. Yes, I feel cast aside, but shit happens. If he's having fun then I'm not going to stop him. I'd rather him have fun doing something than have an okay time with me. I just want him to be happy, even if I do get cast aside.

As much as I hate to say it, part of me feels like I'm becoming slightly depressed again. I've got so much going on in my head as well as so much going on with school/friends/Dre/ect. It stresses me out so bad. All I want to do is sleep anymore. I've been taking "naps" a lot lately, which is basically when I come home, lay on the couch, and have a desire to do nothing but sleep, which I do. Sometimes for 2, 3, or even 4 hours. Coming from someone who hasn't taken more than one nap in a week since preschool, things seem a little out of place. Besides excessive sleeping, I've kind of lost all modivation to do anything. I would rather sit and stare at a wall than have to go out and be social with people. I mean, I do feel lonely. But I feel like I want to hide a lot, and just keep to myself. But emotions wise, it feels like I've been going numb a lot lately too. Things that would usually make me mad, sad, happy, or bored have no effect on me at all. Hence, the Dre being busy thing. A few months ago, it would have torn me up so badly. And don't get me wrong, it does upset me, but now it has a different effect on me. It's like "oh. you can't talk? okay. i guess i'll go curl up and take a nap for a few hours until dinner. then i'll wake up and eat, lay on the couch and stare at the ceiling for 2 hours, then go to bed. i'll try to call you again. oh, you'll be busy? okay. i'll stare at my bedroom ceiling until 1am then go to sleep." And that's exactly what I do, unfortunately. My drive for life is basically... gone. I just want to sleep and stare at ceilings. I feel like I'm in some sort of zombified state. Like I'm just watching the world pass me by, but I never move.

I want all of this to dissapear. I want everything to be okay and everyone to be normal and happy again.
But then again, nobody was ever normal.

I miss Dre.
I miss Caity.
I miss Heidi.
I miss Megan.
I miss Bree.
I miss Laur.
I miss Ry.
I miss Josh.
I miss Anthony.
I miss Bubba (Logan).
I miss Cole.
I miss Aurélie.
I miss Oriane.
I miss Joe.
I miss Erin.
I miss anyone and everyone who does/once did make me happy.
...I guess I AM too needy afterall.

-Morgan