The lock on the door has changed.

I feel.
Sdfgh. Something I can't describe right now. I want to punch something. Or cry. Or punch something and then cry. I don't know.
I wish I could paint a better picture of what's going through my mind right now. I feel like everything inside of my head is incapable of being seen on this screen. I'm sorry.

Why does this always happen, though? Why does it seem like just when things get good, something has to come crashing down on them? Dust. That's about all that's left of my hopes right now. I really just want to break down and tell you that I can't deal with stuff like this. Show you that this is not the way things are supposed to be. Really, though. I don't have high expectations. Just show me what you say, and that's all. How can you expect me to believe that you care as much as you say you do, when you just go and repetatively do the things that you know drive me to the brink of insanity? No. Absolutely not.
Don't get me wrong. You do show compassion; but other times, you do things that you know will hurt me. Purposely. For some foolish reason that you can't ever justify. Please, explain to me how this is at all fair.
I feel like a disaster right now. I feel nauseous. Angry and nauseous.
You are calling me. And if you don't, then there is nothing I can do about that. I'm sorry.

I know what's coming, though. She will turn her head and you will pretend nothing happened, because I'm not supposed to care. But I do. God, I do. It hurts. Yeah, it makes me angry, but more than anything it hurts like hell. Why? Because I don't ask that much of you, damn it. If it's something as simple as this, why is it so hard to do? Do I inconvinience you? I'm sorry if I do. But, I am human. I live, I breathe, and I feel. I definitely feel.

Do you know what hurts most of all?
You'll never know. Any of this.
I'm sure.

Do you know?
Do you know?
Do you know?
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed?
If birds flying south is a sign of changes, at least you can predict this every year.