she's a lady, and ladies shouldn't be messed with.

right now, i am eating kiwi-strawberry italian ice. Luigi's. i don't really want to eat it, but it's slightly comforting at the moment. it's cold, and it feels good sliding down my throat.

i don't really know what Dre wants anymore. 2 nights ago, he asked me something.
"how do you feel about our relationship right now, Morgan?"
"well... pretty good. why?"
"oh."
"what do you mean, oh? D:"
"i don't know. it's just that i feel...neutral. i don't feel happy, but i'm not unhappy. it's just like, sometimes when i see you, i'm like 'oh, there's morgan!' and other times, i'm like 'oh...there's morgan... >.<'. and i really don't know why, but i don't like it."
"...oh. well. what do you want me to do?"
"i don't know."
"...oh."

i just. i don't know. when i talked to Heidi about it, she simply said "he wants sex, Morgan." and, i really hope that's not the case. because i honestly don't want to have sex with Dre. but i don't want to lose him. but, i'm not giving up my morals for him. so, i'm basically stuck.

last night when he came over, he kept sticking his hands in my back pockets, and i kept having to take them out. then, he kept trying to put his arm around my shoulder and grab my boob when we were sitting down, and i kept having to smack his hand away. everytime i would hold his hand and we were sitting down, he kept trying to move my hand towards his dick, so i would yank my hand away, glare at him, and scoot away from him. he kept saying, "you should let me give you a hickey...there." and point to my boob. and i would simply reply, "what the fuck, Dre. no.". instead i got my ipod and ipod speakers, and started playing music and singing along to it. i wanted to escape, and i don't think he saw that. he even had the nerve to ask me to send him a nude picture of myself when he called me later that night. needless to say, i was appalled he would even ask, or expect me to say yes. i was like "Dre...no. no, no, no. what the fuck. is that honestly all you think about?" his excuse was that he had just finished watching a movie with his dad, and there were naked people in it, so 'he was curious how i looked naked'. yeah, sure. i'm calling bullshit on that one.
i mean, jesusfuckingchrist. by that point, i had had it. what the hell has gotten into him? doesn't he get that i fucking hate when he's like that? doesn't he get that I'M not like that? if he wants to date a slut, he should. but until then, he needs to fucking learn to control his overactive hormones.

i'm starting to think Heidi might be onto something with Dre. i mean, i know he still cares about me. but how much of that is driven by pure emotion, rather than the hormonal aspect of it, attracting him to the opposite gender?

i'm so confused. and i honest to god have no idea what to do. i love him, i really do. but i do not love his hormones. i do not love feeling like some toy to him.
i do not love this.