the perks of being a wallflower.

days, months, and years ago, ryan told me to read the book "The Perks of Being a Wallflower", but i never got the chance to read it. i'm going to go buy it tomorrow and read it. i miss ryan. i want to call him soon and talk about life's ups and downs, and why we were happy yesterday and not today, or vice versa. ryan is just that kind of person. i can TALK to ryan about life's ups and downs, and why i'm happy or unhappy. because even if it's for the most absurd reason in the world, ryan seems to understand it. and i love ryan dearly for that. great minds think alike, i suppose. ...god, i miss you, ryan.

chance hates me now. it hurt to sit in class today and have him not even look at me. i think i honestly died a little inside. chance IS a compulsive liar, and chance is an immature douchebag. but right when i get to the point where i start to become okay with those things, nick goes and runs his mouth of out anger, just to piss chance off. and brought me in the middle of it. it's ridiculous.


bree wrote to me in her blog, and i feel the need to respond. so, here it goes: YOU DO NOT ANNOY ME. i love you, Bree. very much. i love you today, and i will continue to love you tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, and basically until my heart runs out of love. and that will never happen, because you are one of my very best friends, and i could never stop loving you. please do not think that you are annoying, as you are not, my dear. honestly. i would talk to you every waking moment of the day if the means were available. i love you, very much. and please do not ever, EVER think otherwise, okay?


laur is off to college now. i miss laur. i miss how we used to team up and she would always tell me, "i love you, moe. you are my estrogen relief." or i would tell her the same thing. we would talk to each other about all of our girly drama, problems, and just life. it didn't matter what we talked about, we would just talk. and i would always be happy when i talked to laur. she would talk about silly things, and we would laugh at the word "dank" alot. i miss that. i miss the talks. i miss the good times. i miss laur.


Dre is getting better. i have to remind him that no, i am not looking nor do i want to be a sexual person. it's just not who i am right now. to me, sex doesn't really matter. i don't WANT to have sex. i just want to love, and be loved. that's all. and that's how it is right now. i love him, and he loves me; it's a fairly simple concept. i do see how the idea of sex might work its way into his brain. he is a hormonal teenage boy, and a couple of his friend's girlfriends all have sex with his friends. and i'm the one girlfriend that doesn't do that. and when his friends talk about it, i can see how he thinks, "well, they've only been dating 4 months and they've had sex like 5 times already. i've dated Morgan for a year and 8 months, and we haven't had sex. that doesn't add up." sometimes, hormones speak louder than common sense, and i am forced to remind him of this. but in the past few days, he seems to be remembering this a little better.
i gave him a bracelet today. it was just a simple bracelet with a small metal peace sign, beads on two sides of it, and a black elastic cord. i'm sure you've seen them around. he wanted one really bad because i have one that i wear every day. you wouldn't think he would be so excited that i got him one, but he was. he made sure he wore it on the same wrist as i did, and that our peace signs were in the exact same spot. it was silly, but cute.

i don't know what else to write. so, goodbye.