I need change.

I don't like this. I don't like this at all.
I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling. In fact, I don't know what I'm feeling at all -- and I hate that. I hate not knowing what I'm feeling or why I'm feeling that way.
I really want to go on vacation. I want to sit in the car/on a plane for an extensive amount of time, look out the windows, and just relax. I don't want to be in Wilmington anymore. I'm tired of it. I want to go somewhere else and start over. I really don't know why I want that, though. I have a great life here. I just. I want something new. I want to start over fresh and forget the things that have happened here in this stupid town. I want out.
But at the same time, I'm scared of what will happen. If I go to a new town, all by myself... Honestly? More than likely, I'll get a place and hibernate. I'll want to be alone and stay alone. I won't want to deal with people or life. And that sounds horrible, I know. But honestly? Sometimes I just want to be left the fuck alone. And if I'm on my own in a new town where I don't know anyone, I CAN be left the fuck alone. But at the same time, I don't need to be left alone for a long period of time. The cycle starts and I go insane. Not INSANE, but I start getting into a routine that I can't break. Then I start feeling lonely and depressed, ect, ect. You know how it goes.
I'm scared of change, though. As much as I want change, I am ABSOLUTELY terrified of it. I'm scared something will go wrong and I won't be able to reverse it. That alone is mostly what keeps me from trying to make change.
And I need change. Badly.