If only, if only.

If only there were enough time in the day. Then I'd get things done.
If only I had the means. Then I'd get things done.
If only I had the support. Then I'd get things done.
If only I were smarter. Then I'd get things done.
These are the stupid excuses I make daily as to why I can't do the things I know I should be doing. In all honesty, the truth is:
If only I had the modivation. Then I'd get things done.

I've felt so odd lately.
Like I'm not good enough or not cut out for everyday tasks.
Like I'm not on the right planet. Like some alien threw me out of their spaceship and onto the wrong planet.
I don't fit in here.
At least, not here in Wilmington.

I honestly can't wait to get my license.
I know I used to bitch about how much I didn't want it, but I'm ready for the freedom. I'm ready to pick up my keys and drive to somewhere peaceful when I'm sick of everything and everyone else.
I also can't wait until I move out. I want the privacy.
I talked to my counselor about college related stuff the other day. It was scary yet exhilarating at the same time. I really want to get out. I want to move on and start over. I want to get the hell out of Wilmington and away from all of these people who are too blind to see the world right in front of them.
I am so sick of this town.

Lately, I've realized that I prefer to be alone than around other people. I want my space. I want room to let my mind wander and not have people bother me. I'm sick of the immaturity in this town. I can't even stand to be around many people anymore. I pretty much spend the majority of my time with Dre now. I have my small group of girlfriends, and I'm okay with that. There aren't many other people I come across that even begin to show signs of understanding the world. Or even having a brain.

I wish I wasn't this bitter. I know I've become bitter. I miss Bree and Ry and Laur. They understand. They just get it. It makes me sad how we never talk anymore. Our own seperate lives have finally taken over, it seems. That kills me.
I really want to reconnect with everyone. Even if we can't talk every day of the week, I'd like to start talking with you guys again. Whenever it fits your schedule.
I hope that doesn't sound needy. I just miss everyone.

A whole lot.