sdfgh. fuck.

so, um. i'm really not in a good mood right now.
and when i tend to be in bad moods, i tend to be 100% honest.
and, do you want to know something?

i'm not tired of you.
i'm just tired of feeling like you don't give a fuck about me unless you want something. whether you want comfort, or need someone to talk to, or whatever it may be.
but if you don't need something, it's like. i don't exsist.
so, no. it's not that i'm tired of you.
i'm just tired of feeling like i don't fucking matter.
and in all honesty, i do love you. this hurts, y'know. feeling like this.
but i'm sick of making up excuses, mmk?
i feel like that's all it is: excuse, after excuse, after excuse.
simple little excuses i make, for why i feel like you might be doing this.
and really? they're just bullshit excuses.
"oh, he's having a bad day". -- so? everyone fucking has bad days.
"oh, well. he's depressed". -- no shit. i think i am, too. join the club?
"oh, well, if i say anything to him, i might hurt his feelings". -- well fuck, that's life, isn't it?
"oh, well, i might upset laur if i say anything to him". -- well, she shouldn't, it's not like whatever i was going to say, i was going to say to her, right?
"oh, well if i upset ryan too bad, he might leave". -- he never fucking talks to me anyways, so.
"well, i'll burden him". -- again, that's fucking life. shit happens.

look. all i'm saying is, i'm tired of the bullshit excuses.
and i'm tired of feeling like i don't matter.
either i do, or i don't. there's really no inbetween.
so, make up your mind.
i'm putting my life back together, and it's up to you to decide whether you want to be a part of it or not.
my arms are wide open, if you want to be a part of it.
but please, leave all the bullshit behind.
like i said, it comes down to this: you either care, or you don't.
and if you can't make up your mind?
then, i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
this might just be goodbye.